David and Brie treated the two birthday grandkids to dinner in town. Jake loaned them his new Porsche. “After Sammi and Seth were born, some douche decided to try to file a malpractice suit against me. I won because it wasn’t a doctor error, it was pharmaceutical error that wasn’t reported. The plaintiff had to pay me because I counter sued for liable and slander so I bought a cock extension ”, he laughed when he explained how he’d come about the car.
“A cock extension?” David laughed.
“That’s what Delilah calls it. My cock extension. Then, she tells me I don’t need it.”
Brie gasped in a long breath as she laughed. “You have got to be kidding me!” she howled. “I love your wife, Jacob. She’s my fucking clone.”
Jake chuckled. “Well, you know what they say. Every boy looks to marry someone like his mother.”
“You managed it”, David laughed. “If I didn’t know that every child I’ve ever fathered grew up in this house, I’d swear Delilah was mine.”
“Well, Dad, we all know that’s not possible. One, the only two children you have that are my wife’s age are Jordan and me. Two, her father’s name was Kevin- I’ve seen her birth certificate. And three, incest causes birth defects and none of my children have Down Syndrome or are cross- eyed or anything like that.”
“No sixth toe or anything like that?”
“Last time I checked, yeah, Dad.”
“Nice to know.” David laughed. “Now, we’re going to grab your oldest and Makayla’s son to take them to dinner. You all behave yourselves.”
“If it’s possible, Dad, it will be done. I know I plan to keep my ass out of trouble. My wife will have my ass if I don’t.”
“Jacob, just send Miri and Zeke out here so that we can go to dinner”, Brie laughed.
“Yes, Ma’am”, he said with a chuckle as he put the keys in his father’s hand and went inside. “Miri, Zeke, Gramma and Grampa are waiting for you in the garage to take you to dinner.”
Miri and Zeke ran out into the garage. “You’re taking us to dinner?” Miri asked
“Yeah, whatever you want”, David said.
“Even if we want Chuck E. Cheese?” Zeke asked. It was rather obvious that young Zeke, even at 4, would have his father’s height. Kylely stood at 6’5 and made 5’5 ¾ Makayla seem like a midget.
“Yeah, even if”, Brie said as she and David fought off shudders. “Though Grampa and I really don’t eat a lot of pizza.”
“What if we want McDonald’s?” Miri asked.
“If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do”, David said. “But, you two have to agree.”
Miri and Zeke huddled and discussed what they wanted to eat. It only took a few minutes but they figured it out. “We want to see the show”, they said on unison.
“The show?”
“With the fire and the onion volcano. We want Japanese”, Miri said.
“Oh, you want tappanyaki”, Brie said.
“You two do understand that they make really big portions, right? I’m even going to have trouble eating everything on my plate, especially if I get sushi”, David said.
“We’ll share, Grampa”, Miri and Zeke said in unison.
“Ok then”, he said. “Let’s load up and we’ll go so that you can see the show.” He unlocked the car and got in the driver’s seat.
Brie let the children in on the passenger side, letting her seat forward so that they could climb in the back seat. “We’re going to have our hands full tonight, Grampa”, she said with a laugh.
“Oh, I know Gramma. But, they’re your birthday grandbabies, so who am I to keep them from getting to go to dinner with Gramma?”
Once she was in, he started the car and watched as it automatically adjusted to his height, his blind spots; the adjustments he would have made manually were he in one of his cars. He looked over at his wife. “Brie, I want one.”
“You want a Porsche.”
“Yes. I want a Porsche. I want one just like this.”
“Baby, seriously?” She gave him a look that said he wasn’t making sense.
“Well, we’ll talk about it later. Let’s take the kids to dinner.” He put the car in gear and pulled out of the open garage. The garage closed automatically behind him. He was glad that he’d installed that motion censored garage door opener so many years before.
“Are we gonna get to stay with you tonight too?” Miri asked once they were on the road to head to town.
“Let’s see how dinner goes, Miri. We’ll let you know then.”
“But, Grampa”, Miri whined.
“Do you want me to turn around Miriam Rebekah?” David asked carefully.
“No.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“Wait until you say yes or no.”
“Good girl. Now, just to be sure you two want to go to Japanese and watch them cook right?”
“Yeah!” the children responded.
David and Brie both smiled. “Ok, you two”, Brie said to her birthday babies. “Now settle down and enjoy the ride.”
---------------
“Where did Mom and Dad go?” Jordan asked.
“To town. They’re taking Miri and Zeke out for a birthday dinner”, Jake said as he read the newspaper.
“Ok. I don’t get this. Mom and Dad can take kids into town, Delilah and Maddie still go to the clinic a couple days a week, but I can’t leave the house except to train? What the fuck, Jake?”
“What did I tell you a couple months ago, Jordan? My complaint department is closed. That’s especially true now that Mom and Dad are here. You have something to bitch about, take it to Dad. Were I you, I’d wait until he and Mom get back because if you ruin Mom, Miri, and Zeke’s birthday dinner, Dad will kill you.”
“This is really getting to be bullshit. I can’t leave the house but everyone else can.”
Jake rolled his eyes as he turned the page of the paper he was reading on his Kindle. It was the day’s copy of the New York Times. “No one said you can’t leave the fucking house, Jordan. But, you can’t go to your house and if you are to leave the house to go somewhere else, you have to have an escort. Someone has to go with you because you have a fucking habit of getting into situations that you can’t get out of.”
“Name one.”
He closed the app with the paper he was reading and took his glasses off of his face. “Freshman year when Mom and Dad started letting you play volleyball while you were trying to hit it big with Reckless Disregard.”
“You’re not talking about that creepy pedophile douche that Malachai beat to shit, are you?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m talking about the homecoming party we went to. Well, more like you dragged me to because Mom and Dad wouldn’t let you go alone. You wandered off and got into some fucked up trouble and I had to not only get you out of the situation but I had to call Mom and Dad so that someone could explain to the police that you were only 14.”
“You mean at Bianca Simmons’s house? The drunken skinny dipping?”
“Yeah, that. I had to drag you out of the pool and call Mom and Dad. Mom came over and talked to the cops about what happened, essentially saving you from a getting a ticket for illegal consumption.”
“I barely remember that night.”
“I wonder why, Jordan. You were shitfaced.”
“So what, though. That doesn’t prove a pattern.”
“Later that year Reckless Disregard went on a publicity tour. You did one of your open- mouth- insert- foot things and Malachai didn’t reign you in. Tell me that’s not a pattern. Truth of the matter is, Jordan, that if you’re not supervised you get into more shit than you know how to handle and someone always has to bail your stubborn, selfish ass out because you’re fucking helpless and prone to fits of sheer idiocy. Now, if you can prove me wrong, I’ll lobby for you to be able to leave alone with Dad. I will champion your fucking cause. But, until you can show me consistent proof that you’re not prone to the previously mentioned fits of idiocy then you really need to stick around the house and not go anywhere without someone with you. Is that too mother fucking much to ask?” With that, Jake stood and headed up the stairs, leaving his newspaper on the table. He went to the bedroom he and his wife shared so that he could change into his workout clothes. He’d started working out as a way to vent.
As he picked through his drawers to find clothes to work out in, Delilah came into the room. “Jake, baby, what’s wrong?”
“I’m about to commit fratricide and kill my twin”, he fumed.
She stopped him with a hand on his wrist. “What’s the problem, Jakey? Talk to me.”
He stopped and sighed, “Jordan’s nonstop bitching is starting to piss me off.”
“Have you told her to take her complaints to Dad?”
“Yeah, and she still brings them to me.”
She pulled him toward their bed and sat down with him. “I know she’d eating at your nerves, baby. She’s starting to eat at Davina’s nerves too and Davina lives with her and has two children with her.”
“I miss having our house to ourselves, just us and the kids, occasionally eating dinner with Jeremiah and Jona because they eat with Skyler and Kaylian more times than not. Why is it that people trying to kill Jordan and Malachai has to take away my sanctuary?” He hung his head in defeat.
Delilah lifted his head and pressed her lips to his. “Jacob, I know this whole thing is getting on your nerves. I miss having our house to ourselves to. I miss the kids having their own rooms rather than having to share with their cousins. I miss having an office to myself rather than having to share with you so that we have enough room for your brothers and sisters. Anyway, didn’t Albert say that Jordan has to be allowed to be Jordan in order to keep the world from ending. Maybe we should just see how it plays out.”
“Jordan’s got to stop bitching to me about everything. Mom and Dad are here. With them here, I’m no longer in charge. It’s Dad. Take your complaints to him. I don’t care anymore.”
Delilah stood and started pulling Jake toward their bathroom. “Come on. You need to relax.”
“And just how am I going to relax?”
“You’ll see. Get up off the bed and come with me.”
He stood and shook his head. “You’re going to do like my mom used to do for my dad and calm me down by letting me fuck you in the shower?” he asked sarcastically.
“Unless you want to stay out here and fool around on the chaise lounge.”
Jake’s eyes moved between the two destinations. “Come here, beautiful.” He beckoned her closer with a finger.
She went to him and slid her arms around his neck as his snaked around her waist. With simple press of their lips to one another, he backed them toward the chaise lounge in front of the fireplace so that he could let his wife take away all of the stress and anger he was feeling.
---------------
Dinner with Miri and Zeke was interesting. Neither of them had ever used chopsticks before or had seen them used. David and Brie shocked the two children when they started to eat with the little bamboo sticks. “Whoa”, Zeke said. “You can eat with those? I see Mommy put them in her hair all the time but I didn’t know you could eat with them.”
David laughed. “Yes, Ezekiel Michael, you can eat with chopsticks. When you’re a little older and you have a little more dexterity in your hands, I’ll teach you. For now, just use your fork.”
“Will you show me how to use them?” Miri asked.
Brie sat the little girl in her lap and showed her how to use the to eat with. Miri’s hands were still so small that holding them was difficult. “It’s ok baby girl”, Brie said to her granddaughter. “It’s not your fault you have little hands.”
“I hate being so small. I’m supposed to be the big sister but Ira’s so much bigger than me.”
“You could always ask Aunt Maddie what it’s like to be little and still be the big sister. Uncle James, Uncle ‘Miah, Aunt Meagan, Aunt Kayla, and Uncle Marc are all taller than she is.”
“How did Aunt Maddie deal with that?”
“You’ll have to ask her”, David said. “But, Miri, being tall isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, baby.”
“How can you say that, Grampa? You’re tall.”
“Ask Uncle ‘Miah or Uncle Jay how being tall has caused them problems.”
“I noticed that they’re taller than Uncle Marc, Uncle ‘Chai, and Daddy.”
“And Uncle ‘Chai is taller than Uncle Marc and Uncle Jake”, Zeke said.
David and Brie nodded. “Yep”, Brie said. “Uncle Jay and Uncle ‘Miah got their height from my brother and my Daddy.”
“Really? Where did my Daddy get his height from?” Miri asked.
“Your Daddy got his height from me”, Grampa said. “He and I are the exact same height.”
“WOW”, Miri and Zeke said.
The waitress stopped by the table. “How are we doing here?”
“Not bad. I could use another glass of tea please, if you don’t mind”, Brie said as she set Miri back in her chair.
“No problem.” The waitress took Brie’s glass and refilled it, then topped David’s off tea as well.
David stopped her with a hand on her arm. “The two children with us are celebrating a birthday today”, he whispered.
“Ok. We’ll be out shortly with their desserts to sing happy birthday to them.”
“Thank you.” David wrapped an arm around his wife’s shoulders. “So, are we going to let these two stay with us in the cottage?”
“Where are we going to put them?”
“They can sleep in the living room. Zeke will probably want the couch and Miri’s always liked to curl up in the arm chairs. Anyway, we do have a spare room.”
“What about all of the switches that we don’t even know what they do yet?”
“Tell them not to touch them or they go straight back to their parents.”
She nodded. “Ok. Just wanted to make sure you had a plan. We can surprise them with it when we get them back to the house. We’ll have Jake bring them out once they have some clothes together and they’ve had baths.”
“I like the way you think. And it will give me a little time to give you your birthday present.”
“Is this an actual present or more sex?”
“Sex is for after the grandkids are asleep. I actually have a gift for you that I bought before we left Jerusalem.”
“Well, why don’t we pay the check after the kids get their ice cream and get the hell out of here?”
And, as if right one cue, the staff of the restaurant came out and gave Zeke and Miri their ice cream and sang happy birthday to them in Japanese. The kids cheered and ate their ice cream as their grandparents sat back and smiled.
---------------
Upon pulling into the garage, David and Brie got out of the loaner Porsche and went inside. “Ok, everyone out of the car. I know two children that need to get bathed and get clothes so that they can stay the night with Gramma and Grampa”, David said as he climbed out of the car and sat the driver’s seat forward so that the kids could pile out.
“What?!” The children exclaimed.
“Grampa didn’t stutter. If you two want to stay with us for the night, you need to get a bath and get clothes for tomorrow together”, Brie said after closing her car door. The children ran in shouting to their parents that they needed to get a bath and get clothes so that they could stay with Gramma and Grampa. Brie laughed. “They’re excited, aren’t they?”
David pulled her against him with a smile. “It’s not often that they get to see us. Something tells me that while we’re here, we’re going to have kids in the house at least every couple of nights.”
“And how long are we staying?”
“Until we know that Jordan isn’t going to do something stupid.” He kissed her temple. “Come on, we’ve got to get the four wheeler key an head back out while the kids get ready to come out for the night. I have something special for you.”
She smiled. “Ok. You have to let go of me so that I can walk in order for that to happen.”
“What if I wanted to carry you?”
“Then pick me up. Either way, we need to get in and get the key.”
He laughed as she pulled away and walked into the house. “Here’s what I don’t get”, she called over her shoulder. “Why is it that you can buy me all kinds of gifts no matter what the occasion but I can’t buy you shit? It seems a little uneven, David.”
“I’ve already explained this to you, I thought”, he said as he followed her in. “You’ve already given me more than I deserve by giving me yourself and our ten children. I couldn’t ask you for more. It’s unfair of me to ask for more.”
“So I can’t give you something for your birthday or Hanukkah just because I just want to because you don’t want to ask for anything?” she laughed. “You have put yourself on the low end of a double standard.”
“I know you feel that way, but I feel that there is nothing I can do that will ever be enough to repay you for all of your patience with me and my career.” He caught her around her waist and pulled her against him. “You’re my personal angel, Hannah Brielle. All I’m asking you do is just sit back and enjoy the ride. Can you do that for me, love?” he whispered in her ear.
She smiled. “I’m trying, but it’s still hard to get used to all of the attention you give me.”
“You’ve earned it, love.” He kissed her throat. “Come on, let’s get the four wheeler keys and head to our little house.”
As they made their way into the house to get four wheeler key Jordan approached them. “Dad, I need to talk to you”, she said.
“What’s the matter, Jordan?” he said with a sigh.
“Why is it that everyone can leave the house but I can’t?”
“Who said that?”
“You did.”
David looked at Brie. “Maybe my memory is slipping a little but I don’t remember ever saying anything like that. Do you remember me saying that?”
Brie shook her head. “No. I remember you saying that either. I remember you saying that she can’t leave the house without someone with her, but not that she can’t leave.”
“So, I can go home and get clothes?” Jordan asked.
“No. You can go buy more clothes at the mall because if you go to your house you might not come back and I really don’t want to have to call the police to go looking for you. Or better yet, Morbus. Not only will he fuck shit up for the people that want you dead, but he will fuck shit up for you. Now, you can either avoid your house and take someone with you when you leave anywhere else, or you can keep your ass here. Either way, as long as you’re not in harm’s way, we don’t really care. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to talk to your twin to have him assign someone to bring Miri and Ezekiel out to us to spend the night”, David replied. Then he pulled his wife along with him and went to the living room. “Jake, we’re going to go out to our cottage. Have someone bring Miri and Zeke out to us when they have clothes together and they’ve been bathed.”
“You got it, Dad. I’ll probably ask Kylely to help me get them out there”, Jake responded.
“Sounds good. We’ll see you in a little while.” With that, David and Brie turned and left.
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