Jordan’s guilt over what she’d done earlier was still eating at her. Even at dinner, she stewed over the choice she’d made. What the hell was I thinking?, she asked herself. I’m a lesbian. How is it that this man gets past all of my defenses and actually manages to catch my eye? Why is he the exception to the rule?
When she and Reece laid down that night, she had a hard time looking at him. She still couldn’t get over the idea that she’d had sex with a man. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that, was it? But, technically, it wasn’t sex. He’d made love to her. He’d been gentle and slow. He didn’t rush anything. Was this what it was like to have love made to you by a man?
They lay in bed and watched the movie that he’d tried to watch earlier that day- the one that ended up watching him instead. He fell asleep by the end of it. Jordan wasn’t so lucky. She couldn’t sleep. She brushed his shaggy hair from his face and grabbed her phone off of the bedside table where it rested and charged for the night. She needed a bit of clarity, so she would call the only two people that she knew could offer it.
She padded down the stairs and into pitch blackness. She was the only one up. Everyone must have called it an early night, she thought as she padded down the stairs. She didn’t stop in the living room. She went through the kitchen and out the back door to the patio to the lounge area by the pool. She stretched out on the very swing her parents were sitting under when Colton proposed to Maddie. She knew that her parents had memories throughout the house. Hell, all of them did.
She couldn’t sit and be reminiscent for the moment. She needed to make a phone call. She scrolled through her phone book and picked a number. Once the phone was on speaker, she just let it ring and waited for the person she was calling to answer. “Hello?” a woman’s voice said sofly.
“Hey Mama. What are you doing answering Dad’s phone?” she asked.
“I was the first one to grab it. We’re eating lunch while the kids are doing lessons. What’s on your mind, sweetheart?”
“I needed someone to talk to. I did something very out of character for me.”
“What did you do?” her father asked.
“I slept with a man.”
“You slept with Reece?”
“Yes. And now I’m confused. I’m not attracted to men and yet, I’m attracted to him.”
“Wait a second here, Jordan. Start from the beginning”, her mother said.
Jordan took a deep breath and told the story from the top. How she was looking forward to seeing Reece; how she dressed up to see him. She told them about her conversation with him about the kids and, finally, how he kissed her and they made love. “And now I’m confused as hell.”
“What has you so confused? The fact that he’s the only man you’re attracted to because you’re a lesbian, the fact that he get through all those defenses you built up, or the fact that you’ve identified as a lesbian all these years just to discover that you might be bisexual?” asked her father.
“All of the above, Daddy.”
Her mother laughed softly. “Why does there have to be a rule for there to be an exception to, Jordan?” she asked.
“I don’t know, Mom.”
“Better question. What is it about Reece that attracts you to him, but no other man?” her father asked.
“Again, Dad. I don’t know.”
“Jordan, close your eyes”, her mother said. She did. “Once your eyes are closed, I want you to picture Reece and describe him to me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Describe what you see.”
“He’s tall, lean, well toned. His a little shaggy. The way his hair falls in his face is kinda cute. His hand are soft. He has kind eyes that say he’ll do whatever it takes me make things easy for me with the kids. Mom, I don’t know what the point of this is.”
“Just do it, Jordan. Tell me what you see. And look deep.”
Jordan sucked in a deep breath. “He’s got a kind heart. He knows who he is and where he comes from. He knows what he wants and he’s patient.”
“And that’s what draws you to him. Like two poles of a magnet. You two are very similar in that you know what you want and when you want it. You might not always know how to get it, but you will find a way. It’s not a bad thing that you’re attracted to him and it doesn’t change your sexual identity. There’s no need to lock yourself in a box with a label. Just be Jordan. Don’t worry about being a lesbian. Just be you.”
“Thanks Mom. I knew that if anyone could help me it would be you and/or Daddy.”
“I didn’t do anything”, David said. “This was all the miracle of your mother’s wisdom”
“True. Thanks you two. Give the kids my love.”
“We will. Go back to bed and enjoy having a warm body curled up in bed next to you”, Brie said.
“I will. Love you.”
“And we love you. Good night and good bye Jordan.”
---------------
While Jordan was on the phone, Morbus was in his house on a different section of the property plotting the attack on Grissom’s plant. Will was already in place as the driver. He’d had to kill the first one, but that happened sometimes in their line of work. Now, he had to figure out how he was going to get Jordan into the building so that she could do what she needed to do. Will had texted him with information on the schematics of the building. It was all one level with the office tucked into a corner in the east wing. That was, for sure, where Grissom would be. Three men have come with him, so three should go with Jordan. I’ll go, Carter should go, and I’m sure that Skyler is dying to play with the flame thrower again. I’ll have to talk to him. We don’t need a big team this time around, though. I’ll see if Jake will be on standby in case someone is injured. Now, what’s the best way to fuck with this bastard? Maybe we could season the meat like the boys do when one of their sisters brings home a loser. He nodded. There’s a thought. I’ll see if there’s some kind of seasoning…
He chuckled. Later Morbus. Figure out how we’re going to actually get into the building before other psychological warfare techniques. He studied the pictures that Will sent him and tried to figure out how best to get in. I’ll have to talk to Skyler and Carter about the op tomorrow. Jordan will just do what she’s told. She’s a good soldier. For now, I’ll just set this aside and go on patrol. I hope Grissom wasn’t stupid enough to send another spy. I’ll deliver the dead body of the poor sucker personally this time around… and it won’t be ash either. The body will be whole this time so that it can burn with the rest of the Utopian way of life. Kill the head and the body will die. Kill Grissom and the Utopian Party will fall.
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Grissom lay on the small cot in his office and considered how he was going to find and obliterate the Draiman family. He had no idea how he was going to find them but there wasn’t going to be a single survivor once he did. Each and every last one of them would burn with homestead, no matter their age. Whether they were 70, 7, or 7 months old, it certainly didn’t matter to him. He wanted them all dead. The Draiman family was an infection that needed to be treated aggressively. The sheer size of the family alone was wrong. Who do David and Brie Draiman think they are? Were they trying to build their own army by having so many children? Do they think that being outspoken will continue to be tolerated when the Utopian Movement returns to power? The first time Jordan or anyone like her opens their mouths in a public venue, they’re be shot on site. The moment their music plays on a radio station, it will be shut down. Heavy Metal will again be illegal media. There’s no army in the world that will be able to take on the Utopian government. No one would dare. They will fall.
His inner monologue wasn’t going to change the rest night as he drifted off to sleep. It was just going to start sounding more and more fanatical as he went on. In his dreams, he was standing in front of the nation being sworn in as the head of the Utopian War Council. When he was allowed to address the nation, he turned toward the podium and cleared his throat. “My good people, as your War Council leader, I’ll make it my personal mission to make sure that all enemies of the State are dealt with within the confines of the Geneva Convention. The people that oppose this government are traitors to the cause of a Utopian society. People like Jordan Draiman and her loud mouth will be handled with the utmost severity allowed by the law. Were David Draiman still recording, he’d be dealt with as well. I promise you, my good people, that no one will be allowed to oppose this incarnation of the Utopian government without meeting the consequences. Thank you and long live the Utopian Movement”.
Meanwhile, his men that rode along with him were starting to have second thoughts. “Something doesn’t feel right”, Danvers said.
“No kidding. I don’t think we’re going to live through this. None of the other men have”, Franks added.
“Personally, I think the boss man is off his nut”, Heath said in a low whisper. “My parents were in the Resistance when I was growing up. I listened to the words that David Draiman spoke in the monologues. Hell, we were at the rally before the historic ‘Never Again’ speech. The man was a powerful speaker. Jordan’s just as powerful. There’s no way in hell he’ll be able to contain a resistance should the Utopians come to power again.”
Wagner nodded. “I know. And if that whacko Morbus is still working for the Draiman family, there’s nothing we can do to stop them. We don’t have a prayer.”
The men continued talking through the night and had no idea that they had ear on them their entire conversation. The driver had never left and was sending a one way transmission back to base. The “whacko” known as Morbus was hearing every word the men had to say.
----------------
Jordan finally had the clarity she needed to look Reece in the face again. Her parents always seemed to know just what to say to help her think clearly- especially her mother. Her father was correct when he called her mother wise. Over the 36 years that they had been together, her mother had shared her wisdom with him, the rest of Disturbed, and her own children on countless occasions. She knew better than to discount her mother’s words. Too many times had her mother been right.
She climbed into her bed and curled up next to Reece. She didn’t touch him. She just waited to see what he did. The moment he felt her weight at his back, he rolled over and draped an arm over her. She smiled and snuggled in close. Maybe this was what was really meant to be for her. Don’t lock yourself in a box with a label. Just be Jordan. And that’s all she wanted to be. She just wanted to be Jordan.
When she closed her eye and drifted to sleep, the recalled Morbus’s last words to her for the day. Grissom was in town. Literally, in Colorado Springs. Once he had a plan together, they were going to strike and she was finally going to have her vengeance. The son of a bitch that beat her bloody and caused the pain in her leg that she felt every day would finally pay for what he did. She didn’t know what she would do when she saw him, but it wasn’t going to be pretty and she was sure that she was going to need a shower afterward.
That sick mother fucker won’t know what hit him after I’m through with him. He’ll wish that he lived to regret threatening me and my family. You don’t threaten a Draiman without it blowing up in your face. There’s nothing in this world that will prevent Grissom getting what’s coming to him. And once he’s gone and I’ve dealt with my personal issues, I’ll bring the rest of the Utopians to their knees like my father did. There’s no such thing as Utopia. Imperfection happens. It’s what makes up unique. It’s going to become my personal mission to end the Utopians once and for all.
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